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A Soldier's MotherWar In Iraq comes home
My son is a single adult, he’ll be 28 later this year. The army was his choice of career so why, when I was asked to write this article did I think it would be such a challenge? Perhaps it was because I know there will be many others reading this magazine who will have loved ones serving in Iraq or Afghanistan or undertaking other scary jobs. Perhaps it was because of the many conflicting feelings which float around in no cohesive order in my own mind. Whatever the reason I decided to take up the challenge. What you will read is an account of my own personal feelings as I undertake this uncomfortable journey. Please be aware as you read it, that others may not feel the same way as I do, but nonetheless I don’t think there will be many who do not find the journey an uncomfortable one.
On the one hand my son has achieved much in his life. He is adopted, he was bullied at school, he has faced the consequences of divorce and he is not an academic. In spite of that, outside school(!) he has always worked hard with after school jobs to the completion of an apprenticeship. He then discovered there were no jobs available at the garage where he completed his apprenticeship. He had been a faithful member of the ATC and decided that his best option for a secure future was the Armed Forces. He is now a Lance Corporal.
my conflict
This is where my conflict begins. I was hoping he would pick a useful trade which could be continued when he left the army. I struggled when he was charmed by the Army Careers into working with tanks. The encouragement was along the lines of, the Challenger tanks are worth so much money, if you work on them you get more money etc. etc. Not much mention that if you go to war and work with tanks you are in the front line and likely to get badly injured or killed. When he joined I believe there was a selective deafness when we suggested to him that this might happen because at that time in 2000 it was difficult to consider where we might be in 2007!
Reality has certainly hit home for him, me and all the many other family and friends who get caught up in the ripple effects. He is currently serving his second term in Iraq and it is nothing like the first which took place in 2005. Within a month of his first tour of duty one of his best friends was blown up by a roadside bomb and killed. At least during that tour, there was a feeling that perhaps something positive might be achieved. This tour is proving to be very different. They are not in a position to try to win hearts and minds this time because every patrol is based on survival. Even the base isn’t the place to relax with daily mortar attacks. Yes it was his choice to be in the army but it wasn’t his choice to go uninvited to a country whose culture is so complex. If I believed the war was a just war, would I feel better about him being there? I like to think I would but then whether he is 27 years old or 7 years old, he is my son, I love him dearly and I want him to be safe.
no control
If I have a measure of control in any given situation I find it easier. In this situation there is no control. That was in the hands of President Bush and Prime Minister Blair. Some evidence and, I believe, decisions, were flawed, but I struggle more, with the attitude that power seems to bring to some of those who hold such responsible positions. There does not seem to be much regret or humility for the chaos caused. The mothers and families of those who have lost loved ones in Iraq and Afghanistan seem to have been forgotten. The culture may be different, and understanding it may be difficult, but there are many more mothers and families over there who will love their children as much as I love mine.
where is god?
Where is God in this for me? There have been tough times in my life and my faith has always seen me through and I know this will be no different but that doesn’t make it easy. As a very amateur woodcarver, when my son went to Iraq on his first tour I whittled him a cross to take with him. Whilst he grew up in the church, like so many, it no longer plays a great part in his life, but nevertheless he was happy to take the cross with him. I wanted to give him something to take with him this time and so I wrote him a blessing and that was harder to do than I imagined. I try to resist praying for his safety which may seem like a contradiction to the love I have declared for him. It is humankind that forges the wars and I believe that we have to take the consequences of our decisions. I did ask friends from within and outside the network of the United Reformed Church to pray for him, for all those out there and the whole situation. I know some have prayed for his safety. I pray that God will give him strength and courage, rest and relaxation and my hope is that he will return safely strong in heart and mind. I keep telling him that for someone who doesn’t go to church anymore he must be one of the most prayed for soldiers out there. I know he appreciates that.
courage to return
December and his return seem a very long way off. In September he is due home for two weeks rest and relaxation. How, I wonder, can anyone get any rest and relaxation knowing they have to return to a situation where life is permanently on the line and how do they find the courage to return? Already on this tour, one of his best friends has been airlifted back to the UK with a very serious injury. My son has come very close to being killed. Injuries of soldiers and the deaths of Iraqi interpreters are not reported but these things are happening and some of those injuries can be almost as devastating as death. I do feel fortunate that the internet means that I can write him eblueys. These are the equivalent of one page air mail letters. They arrive in Iraq usually less than a day after they are written. The post and parcels which the soldiers receive are a source of comfort so that they do not feel they are forgotten. The last time my son was in Iraq I did not have much imagination when it came to filling the parcels and we laughed on his return when he said he could have kept the whole of the regiment showered with the amount of shower gel I had sent him! I’ve tried to be more imaginative this time but as a recent phone call reminded me – chocolate biscuits in heat of 115 degrees were not a good idea! The phone calls come when he has a rest period and there have not been as many calls on this tour of duty. The phone calls too, are precious and important but its when I hear his voice that I want to be there to give him a big hug.
how will I be feeling
I am writing this in August in good time for the deadline for Reform realising that November and Remembrance Day come before December and I wonder how I will be feeling then? Will I be thinking of all those lives lost or will I be one of those grieving? The reality is that as every news bulletin passes without a mention of Iraq I breathe a sigh of relief. With every announcement of a soldier killed I hold my breath until I know the next of kin have been informed. With every sense of relief comes the sense of guilt that my relief is someone else’s pain. I can more easily block my mind to the injuries which are occurring on a regular basis because they are not reported so publicly. I know I’m burying my head in the sand. In some ways I’m glad they don’t report all the injuries because I’m sure we would be shocked by the numbers. But a serious injury either physical or mental at the moment seems so much preferable to the alternative. I wonder if I would feel the same if the suffering of an injury were too much to bear? I remember once, many years ago, thinking to myself that I had led a fairly charmed life and wondered how my faith would stand up in any real difficulty. There have been times when I regretted that thought! But I thank God that I now have the experience of being held in God’s love through difficult times. I know that even though things are not easy God is the constant presence which always sustains me and that’s OK because God didn’t promise that life would be easy.
late news
It is now September two days before my son is due home for his leave. He has just telephoned to say that due to the recent events in Iraq, the work of his regiment is no longer needed and they are returning home at the end of this month. From anxiety to euphoria! What a welcome awaits!
Sue Wilkinson is a lay preacher and member of Clitheroe United Reformed Church
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