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1. Introduction
The group
considered this remit and found it trying to answer three basic questions:
1.1 Wider Issues
At its first meeting a wider spectrum of topics was considered that
could fall under the headings of ‘wider issues’ and it soon became obvious to
the Working Group that it would be very time consuming to cover exhaustively all aspects
of human sexuality. However it was felt that it would both help the Working Group in its
work and be a useful background material for the wider church if we could produce a
general Theological Reflection on the topic from a ‘reformed
perspective’.
1.2 Nature of Material
After the draft of the background paper it was agreed that the group
wanted to try to produce some resources for the wider church so that if other bio-ethical
issues arise they can be debated in a positive way that can aid the mission of the church.
In order to enable this process further the Working Group has
identified a series of ethical dilemmas and presented them in the form of Stories with
accompanying questions to help aid further thought and discussion. We were particularly
grateful for the help of FURY in this part of our work.
So that this further discussion does not occur in a vacuum it was
decided to try to produce a series of Statements that encompass the
understanding of the Working Group members on: Singleness, Marriage, Procreation, Sexual
Activity & Relationship, and Impairment.
Having been selective in its methodology the Working Group felt that
it might be helpful to also produce a Reading List for those who might want
to take a ‘back to basics’ approach. We recognise that this cannot be exhaustive
and that the Core Group may wish to synthesise it with other bibliographies from other
groups.
1.3 Timescale
The Working Group has come to the conclusion that it would opt for a
programme of work that could be done in the timescale set for the other Working Groups. In
general members of the group feel that they are keen to finish this programme of activity
but feel if further work is to be undertaken then a new working party should be assembled
for this purpose. We acknowledge that in the time available we have been selective in the
topics examined and that we have not produced any worship material.
2. Theological reflection
2.1. Introduction
This paper is an attempt to place our consideration of specific
issues of human sexuality within a wider societal and theological context. Our group has
highlighted broad themes that are true to our age, which need to be taken into account in
any consideration of issues of sexuality. We have also identified some principles, which
we believe that the United Reformed Church should apply when discussing these matters.
2.2 Putting ourselves in
context
Our reflections will be split into two parts firstly, some
observations about society at the present time, and secondly some observations about the
church at the present time. For the purposes of this paper the definition of society and
of church will be very specific - Britain and the URC at the end of the twentieth century.
Global and ecumenical dimensions will be touched on, but practicality dictates that
boundaries are placed on our discussion.
2.2.1 Our Context in British
Society
Post-modernism is an expression on many people’s lips, although
if we were honest many of us would own up to not being totally sure what is being
discussed, and embarrassed to admit our uncertainty. The fact that the term post-modernism
is seeking to define the age in which we are living, clouds the waters. It is hard to
stand back and intellectually analyse the world and the experiences that give definition
to who we are as individuals. An awareness of the realities of post-modernism runs as a
strand through this paper even when they are not explicitly alluded to.
We live in an age of tension. We seem to live in an age of infinite
promise. There is a sense of hope that humanity has the resources to find solutions to any
problem – if not now, then at some point in the foreseeable future. Diseases such as
small pox and scarlet fever that were killers a generation ago have been eradicated or can
be immunised against. Cancers and genetic conditions can be treated, giving longer life
expectation and research into genetics holds out the hope of a cure for what was
previously incurable.
Contemporary media bring seemingly limitless knowledge and awareness
into people’s homes. Information daily grows more accessible and allied to that is a
growing sense that anything is possible for the individual with determination and
self-belief. Technology means that, for many, disability is less of a handicap. Lack of
traditional qualification does not necessarily mean lack of opportunity. Many individuals
feel empowered not to remain defined by other people’s perception of their ability.
Despite all the good things that seem to be on offer there are many
in our society who are trapped in circumstances that none of us would choose to live with.
We live with a growing underclass in Britain for whom life is about survival rather than
choice. There is a continual danger that we create opportunity only for those who are
already financially or educationally ‘successful’. We need to be aware of those
who are increasingly voiceless and powerless in society but who are nevertheless bombarded
with images of what constitutes success. We have a long way to go to eradicate racism or
the many other forms of discrimination that need challenging wherever they exist.
There is a tension in the fact that, although so many possibilities
are held out to us, many people do not experience the positive change in lifestyle that
politicians and the media are constantly telling us is just around the corner. We want to
believe that the rosy vision of life typified by the contents of the Millennium Dome is
true, we suspect that it should become true, but in our heart of hearts we can not believe
that it will. We are not at ease with all the new hopes and possibilities that are held
out to us but we have a question mark over where we can turn to in order to deal with our
unease. Underlying our cynicism about those who promise the earth is the realisation that
the old certainties that have disappeared in the space of a generation are not about to be
replaced by new ones.
Living in an age of increased uncertainty is another characteristic
of our times. We know that, if we find employment as a young adult, we are unlikely to
remain in that job until we retire, indeed retirement itself could happen at any age
between 40 and 75. We have more knowledge than ever before about the planet and the
interaction of its life forms. This makes us uncertain about both the present and the
future. On levels as diverse as the personal, the political, and the ecological we are
aware of potential ramifications of our words and actions. For instance we fear that
consuming particular foodstuffs or wasting natural resources could contribute to our
untimely demise, to that of other inhabitants of the planet, or ultimately to that of the
earth itself.
Individualism is a strong feature of the United Kingdom at the end
of the twentieth century. Expanding possibilities on all sorts of fronts lead, for some,
to expanding choices about how life is lived. Our frames of reference are more likely to
be determined by our own experience and observation than by moral dictates from authority
figures. Thus, individual cases, often sensationalised by the media, prompt debate in
places where people gather in every day life about social and ethical issues as diverse as
fertility treatments or the building of new roads. Meanwhile, pronouncements by Church or
State on matters such as working mothers or the use of public transport carry little
weight, and are resented as interference by the irrelevant and unqualified.
Personal choice is the credo of our age, especially in the light of
the fact that we can both see and control the consequences of our actions in ways that
weren’t possible until recently. There is an expectation that we should each be able
to make informed choices about what we do with our life and the risks we might take. If
there is any attempt to legislate in such areas the negative accusations of ‘nanny
state’ flow very freely.
Those who wish to be heard in society today must make statements
that measure up to experience as well as to intellectual patterns of thought. Anyone alive
today can cite examples of unhappiness stemming from marriage relationships, and of
happiness found in relationships outside of marriage. For many, in the light of that
experience, it is logical to question the credibility of the person who holds up lifelong
marriage as the only ideal for expression of sexuality.
Another factor that we must not ignore is the fact that we are a
multi-cultural society. Multi–culturalism is not only about ethnic origin, but about
the cultural influences we have each imbibed (and sometimes rejected) through our
upbringing and our education. The plus side of our post-modern society should be that we
recognise the rights of different cultural and ethnic groups to preserve their own
traditions and identity without demanding that they should be assimilated or diluted to
conform to a universal standard set by a majority.
There are times when it is tempting to lament the seeming lack of
morals in Britain today, but the picture is not as simple as that for whilst some seem to
ignore the cherished moral absolutes of the past many others do not. Even those who adopt
a different moral framework to that traditionally held in common in the past are not blind
to ethical imperatives. Many trends in our society point to an ethical undergirding of
various campaigns and concerns. Injustices that previous generations remained quiet
about are being brought out into the open. Silent tolerance of violence and abuse is
slowly being eroded. The wealth of information we can access means that we know what is
happening in other parts of the world and we can make informed ethical choices about, for
instance, boycotting products made by exploited workers. The last ten years have also seen
a profoundly ethical rise in concern for our environment, not only locally but globally as
well.
It is at the level of ethics, that the Christian church can find a
place of engagement with society. As Christians we are called to embody the
qualities of Christ, to speak not only in word, but in action. Our response to the
God-given challenge to play a transforming role in society makes little impact if it only
seems to be met with words or incomprehensible ritual. However, week in week out
individual Christians make an immeasurable impact through acts of caring and examples of
attitude. Christ is recorded as making few moral pronouncements, but he did set us the
challenge of loving our neighbour as we love ourselves, and set us an example of showing
respect for those around us and expressing anger at injustice. These are principles that
many can relate to, and which are often masked by the public face of the church which
seems only to condemn the personal choices made by others.
To recognise that as Christians we are shaped by many of the same
cultural influences as our neighbour should not be seen as compromise, but as a starting
point. In society today there is common ground from which we can present what is
distinctive and compelling and truthful about the gospel. We should be presenting more
clearly the God-given gifts of love and hope and a passion for justice which were fully
revealed by the life death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. It is hard to see how we can
do this without treating those around us with respect and understanding, free to make
their own choices, as adults capable of making their own decisions rather than as children
who need a moral framework imposed by those with more mature insights.
2.2.2 Our Context within the
URC
It is interesting to reflect that many of the issues identified as
being part of British society at the end of the 20th century resonate with
those to be found within the URC and many other Christian groupings. It is not desirable
that the church should be wholly moulded by the world around it, but we do need to
acknowledge that we are people of our time before we try to address the issues of our
time.
We too live in an age of uncertainty. Our uncertainty is not so much
about our faith, but about how we embody it in the church. Falling numbers of members and
ministers have dented our confidence. We don’t know the way ahead. We are bruised by
the uncertainty of the human sexuality debate, and made anxious by the threat of schism
and the talk of deep personal pain that accompanies it.
There is a tension between those who want the URC to proclaim a
single right way forward and those who want to move towards a co-existence which
recognises the right of individuals and churches with mutually exclusive views to remain
part of one family. (Interestingly, in terms of the sexuality debate that tension is
present on both ‘sides’ of the argument)
We aspire to be a truly multi-cultural church, listening to the
voices of others and respecting them, an aspiration reflected by the presence of
ecumenical and international representatives at Assembly and the creation of an equal
opportunities policy. We have a long way to go on the multi-cultural journey, we are
perhaps further down the track on gender issues. Moving away from male domination means
that our hymnody and our ways of working are beginning to value the heart as well as the
head, the intellectual value of experience as well as of learning.
This simplistic summary of the ways we are trying to change to a
more ethical standpoint illustrates another theme that the URC has in common with our age.
We are learning to respect the individual, to accept different approaches as being
equally valid and to recognise the damage that was done in the past by imposing only one
model of discipleship that assumed we could all be male, white, European and middle class.
It is hard to see how we can follow this trend of openness and celebration of diversity
and still retain an aspiration of finding one way forward, which will keep all the church
together.
2.3 The story of our faith
In writing statements on specific issues of sexuality and
relationships, we found ourselves working with a threefold pattern in which we began by
recognising God’s good purpose in creation, secondly acknowledged the present reality
which often falls short of God’s purposes because of human weakness and sinfulness,
and finally expressed the hope which comes from God’s redemptive work in Christ. This
pattern sets our specific statements in the context of the story of Christian faith, and
to make clear the implications of that we set out that narrative framework more fully
here.
2.3.1 God’s Good
Creation
The first thing which we have to say is about the goodness of
God’s creation. Our faith begins by remembering that God is the creator of
everything that exists, and God’s creation is good. This includes human
beings. The fact that we are physical and sexual beings is part God’s design. So we
can never think that our bodies or our sexual nature are worthless, as some heresies have
thought: physical and sexual being is part of God’s gift to us in creation.
Within God’s creation, human beings have a special place which
carries both privilege and responsibility. The Bible expresses this by saying that human
beings are made "in God’s image and likeness" [Genesis 1:26]. This means a
great many things, but part of the meaning is that we are capable of having relationships,
with God and with one another, that reflect God’s love and faithfulness. Our sexual
relationships, as well as others, need to reflect this love and faithfulness of God if
they are to be fully human.
This is related to the idea that God has given humanity a calling,
or "vocation." In the creation story in Genesis 2, God gives the human
being the task of cultivating and looking after the garden of Eden. In effect, we are
invited to be God’s partners in the work of caring for the creation! This
means that our everyday living and working in the world are not unimportant or inferior to
"religious" ways of life, as Christians have sometimes thought. Our everyday
life, work and relationships are the places where we can work out our calling from God.
Again, our sexual relationships are part of this picture. A relationship between husband
and wife is part of the story of Genesis 2, and the Reformed tradition has often seen
marriage and family life as one of those "vocations" by which God calls us to
play our part in caring for creation and for one another.
2.3.2 Sin And Suffering
However, it is obvious that we don’t live in a perfect world.
We experience many things that go wrong with God’s creation, such as diseases and
natural disasters. We also know that we very often do what is wrong and fail to do what is
right - to use the traditional Christian word, we sin against God and against one
another. We know ourselves to be alienated from God, from one another and from
God’s creation. The account of the "fall" in Genesis 3 expresses this
experience powerfully in story form: the man and the woman first become afraid and
suspicious of God; then mistrust and domination enter into their relationship with each
other; finally God warns that the ground will be cursed because of them, so that their
work of caring for creation turns into thankless toil and exploitation of the earth. All
this has consequences for our moral being and thinking:
a. Nature is not a reliable guide
Because things go wrong with the world, nature is not a reliable
guide to right and wrong, or to God’s will. For example, not many Christians would
say that devastating natural disasters are willed by God. So we aren’t on safe ground
if we rely on arguments from nature in our moral or ethical thinking. Just because
something is this way, that doesn’t necessarily mean it should be. This
also applies, for example, to biological and genetic research. If molecular biologists
find an "adultery gene," this doesn’t of itself mean that adultery
is morally justified. We need other reasons for deciding it is or it isn’t. After
all, it has also been suggested that there may be a gene which gives some people a
tendency to very violent behaviour - but we have good reasons for saying that this kind of
behaviour is wrong.1
b. Reason is not a reliable guide
Because we are alienated from God and each other, human reason is
not a reliable guide to right and wrong, or to God’s will. There are limits to
what we can know. Because our relationship to God has become one of fear and suspicion
rather than love and trust, we cannot work out by ourselves what it means to do God’s
will or live up to our vocation in the world. And because we tend to put ourselves first
and exploit other people rather than living in relationships of love and faithfulness, our
self-interest stops us thinking straight about moral issues. Think of the senior executive
who explains, with a perfectly straight face, why he or she should get a 40% pay-rise,
while the shop-floor workers in the same firm receive a pay-cut.
c. We are powerless to live well
Our moral failure, or "sin," also means that there are
limits to what we can do. Even when we know perfectly well what is right, that
doesn’t necessarily mean that we are capable of doing it. Paul expresses this when he
says, "I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do"
[Romans 7:19]. We’ve all had this experience: for example, we find it extraordinarily
difficult to act in ecologically responsible ways - even when we know that
it’s in our own best interests to do so! Our sexual lives are not immune from this
experience of powerlessness to do the right thing, or to live well. In the extreme case,
we must ask if this has anything to say about the "addictive" nature of some
kinds of sexual activity?
The experience that we have been describing - that we are made in
God’s image, yet alienated by our sin - is common to us all. We are all made to love
and serve God, yet we are all sinners. If we realise that, it ought to stop us indulging
in the self-righteous moral outrage which our society often visits on sexual, and other,
offenders. Paul’s words seem appropriate: "Therefore you have no excuse, whoever
you are, when you judge others; for in passing judgement on another you condemn yourself,
because you, the judge, are doing the very same things" [Romans 2:1]. We all
have a problem. But the story of our faith does not end there.
2.3.3 The Gospel: God’s
Response
The Christian faith claims to be good news (gospel) in answer
to this bad news about human failure and sin. The way God responds to our problem is to
give himself to us in the person of Jesus, the Son of God who became a human being, lived
among us, died for our sakes and rose from the dead. By this, Jesus has shown us how much
God loves us and the whole creation. And this good news of Jesus answers the problems
mentioned earlier.
a. Our alienation
Jesus, by his death and resurrection, has made it possible for our
sins to be forgiven, giving us hope where otherwise we would be in despair.
He has reconciled us to God - so we need no longer be God’s enemies, but
God’s friends. He has reconciled us also to one another - all the barriers which
divide human beings can be broken down by the Gospel. And this reconciliation extends to
our relationship with God’s whole creation [cf. Romans 8:18-25].
b. Our inability to know God or God’s will
God has made himself known to us. That is why the
Bible is so important to us: it is both the story of how God has made himself known to us,
and (part of) the means by which God makes himself known to us. The Bible is obviously a
collection of human words, but we also say that it embodies God’s word to us. Above
all, the Bible points us to Jesus, who shows us God in a unique way. All this is what we
understand by the statement in the Basis of Union that "the Word of God in the Old
and New Testaments .... is the supreme authority for the faith and conduct of all
God’s people."
Not withstanding the societal trends and pressures described earlier
and reflected in the church, we are not at liberty in our ethical decision-making to
decide anything we want. We cannot invent our ethics out of thin air, nor accept without
question the assumptions of the culture we live in. The earliest Christians were described
as "these people who have been turning the world upside down" (Acts 17.6), and
this applies as much to our moral thinking as to anything else. It must be rooted in the
Bible, for the reasons that have been outlined.
This doesn’t mean that we should ignore other sources of
insight, such as our personal experience, our reason, our conscience or the traditions of
the Church. The Bible is where we start from, but we need these other sources to help us
understand what the Bible is saying to us - to help us hear "God’s Word
in the Old and New Testaments" properly.
Nor does it mean that we have to take every word of the Bible
literally, ignoring its cultural contexts. So, for example, the hard saying of Jesus about
divorce [Mark 10:11-12] doesn’t settle the question on its own. But equally, we are
not at liberty to ignore any text just because we don’t like it. We have to listen to
them all.
Not that it is always simple to hear God’s Word to us in the
Bible. We need to be aware of a number of issues and problems:
-
We all read the Bible from our own perspective - we tend to ignore
bits that don’t fit our prejudices, and interpret the bits we do read so that
they say what we want to hear. It’s easy to spot other people doing this, but much
harder to be aware of our own prejudices. This question of interpretation means that it is
dangerous to do our Bible reading and Christian thinking in isolation from the Christian
community - the Church - because we need each other to check and correct our biases.
-
The Bible speaks to us in many different ways - with rules and
commands, with general principles, with stories, and by giving us a "world-view"
by which to understand the world. We need to listen carefully to the full range of what
the Bible says, in all its different ways, on any given subject.
-
There is a big gap between the world(s) of the Bible and our world.
This can make it hard to know what the Bible is talking about, and it means that whenever
we try to apply anything from the Bible to life today (which every preacher does every
Sunday), we have to make an imaginative leap from the world of the Bible to our world.
This sounds risky, but when we try to do this as Christians we pray, and trust, that God
will guide us. That’s why the full quote from the Basis of Union, including the part
we missed out earlier, is "The Word of God in the Old and New Testaments, discerned
under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, is the supreme authority...."
For a more thorough consideration of the authority of the Bible as
it applies to questions of sexuality and relationships, we refer you to the report of the
Working Group on the Authority of the Bible.
c. Our powerlessness to do God’s will
This problem too is one which is addressed by Jesus’ death and
resurrection, which offer us the chance of a new relationship with God. If I have accepted
this offer, then God’s Spirit is at work in me, gradually transforming me and
enabling me to grow closer to the person God means me to be. But this is not just an
individual matter - I am also part of a community of disciples, the Church, who are all
being "worked on" by God’s Spirit in this way. This learning, growing and
transformation will never be completed till the day we die - we are all on a journey of
discipleship together for our whole lives. We often fail and suffer setbacks in our
journeys, of course - we are still sinners - but when we fail, we have the assurance of
God’s forgiveness and a fresh start. The Church has a vital role to play in making
all this real to us. This is one reason why it is so important that the Church is a
community which really practises love and forgiveness, and which challenges
its members to leave their sins and failures behind and go on learning, growing and
following Jesus.
2.4 How we make decisions in
the church
From what we have said, it should be clear that the Church is a
collection of (forgiven) sinners who easily get it wrong - as we very often have in the
past. That is why the Reformed tradition doesn’t put the authority of the Church on
an equal footing with the authority of the Bible. When the Church does go wrong it needs
God’s Word in the Bible to "judge" it and show it to the right paths.
However, we also need to be very cautious about doing our own thing
in the belief that we’re being guided by God. We may be, but we very easily
fool ourselves and mistake our own prejudice for God’s guidance. That’s why we
cannot be disciples of Jesus in isolation - we need to belong to the community of his
disciples; that is the Church.
The URC’s decision-making structures and processes reflect this
tension:
2.4.1 Councils
In Reformed churches, we tend to do our decision-making in councils
- such as Elders’ Meetings, Church Meetings, District Councils, Provincial Synods and
the General Assembly. By making our decisions together, we can listen to each
other’s insights and understandings of God’s will, and we can also check and
balance each other’s misunderstandings and prejudices. Together we can seek
the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
2.4.2 Dissent
However, we also have a tradition of dissent, or nonconformity.
It has been very important to us to make room for the prophet - the lone voice which tells
the rest of God’s people that they have got it wrong, and calls them in God’s
name to a change of heart ("repentance"). The problem is, of course, that there
are true prophets who genuinely have a word from God for the rest of us, and there are
false prophets who are deluding themselves. The tricky bit is working out which is which.
Sometimes, only time will tell whether a prophetic voice turns out to be true or false.
2.4.3 Ecumenical and
international
No one denomination or tradition, nor even the whole Christian
church has a monopoly on God’s will or God’s guidance. That is why it has been
important to work ecumenically and internationally on questions of human
sexuality. If one denomination does something different from most others, it may be
a prophetic group calling the rest of the Church to change, or it may be a maverick
group that has got it wrong. So we may sometimes be called to act in ways that are
radically out of step with other denominations or other parts of the world church - but in
difficult and complex matters such as these, we are wise if we consult widely and think
carefully before we make our decisions.
For more detailed reflections on the role of our church structures
in decision-making on issues of human sexuality, we refer you to the report of the Working
Group on the Authority of General Assembly and the Other Councils of the Church.
2.5 The starting points of our
discussion
Bearing in mind the above reflections, we have identified some
principles which have served as starting points for our group’s discussion of the
specific issues which are addressed through our statements, case studies and other
resources.
We need to acknowledge that within the Christian church we are
not comfortable with discussing any issue of sexuality.
Some of the debates
held over the last few years in the various councils of the URC have been rather surreal.
We have found ourselves referring to intimacies and body parts in meetings more used to
discussing painting the church hall or what hymn book should be used. We should not be
surprised that there is a certain embarrassment around learning about and discussing these
areas together. We should give each other time and space to enable us all to move on
together and for the Holy Spirit to continue to work. As a group we have taken very
seriously the part of Resolution 18 that calls for consideration of "ways in which
the Church may be assisted in reflection on the wider issues of human sexuality".
Too often the combined influences of society and the church have
made us equate sexuality only with physical sexual acts.
We are all sexual beings, our sexuality is part of
the complex web of emotions and experience that makes us who we are. Here is
an area where we all feel vulnerable because we are talking about ourselves.
There is a need to affirm sexuality as something God gives to us
all and as a gift that can be celebrated in diverse ways.
We recognise that we sometimes find it easier to
relate to experience rather than theory, and that any consideration of
sexuality must engage us emotionally as well as intellectually. We have
therefore used story as a means of encouraging creative discussion about the
sexual wholeness of the single person, of the disabled, of the childless,
the elderly and others whose sexuality the church has tended to ignore in
the past. We have also provided stories that reflect conflicts between
experience and moral ideals.
We need to suggest some ethical frameworks for the expression of
sexuality.
The expression of our sexuality involves engaging with complex areas of
thought and experience such as power and how it can be abused. True equality in loving
relationships demands commitment as well as self-giving love. We have provided statements
for discussion alongside the stories which encompass our understanding of a reformed
Christian view of various aspects of human sexuality. In the main the statements reflect
the pattern of the story of our faith outlined in section III of this paper ie God’s
good creation, sin and suffering, and the Gospel: God’s response.
2.6 Conclusion
From the start as a working group we have not set out to provide
answers for the URC. We have sought to highlight some of the the issues and dilemmas of
our time, and to place them in the context of our Christian and Reformed tradition. In our
work we have highlighted some general principles which, it seems to us, are important for
the Church to take on board if we are to move on constructively.
In offering stories concerning the wider issues of sexuality that we
have had time to consider we are offering tools for discussion that illustrate how
complicated it is for any of us to always know what is the right thing to do. In the use
of statements we are approaching the same subjects by a different route which aims to
challenge us all about our understanding of human sexuality and relationships.
One working party, in existence for a short time, can not make
decisions or statements on behalf of us all. If that is a job to be done it should be done
by other councils of the URC. Our task has been to help the church at a local, and at
every other level, to think about wider issues of human sexuality than homosexuality. We
hope that in doing this we are playing our part in enabling us all to move forward
together in a way that reflects God’s Good News in our time. It is on that basis that
we offer our work to the URC.
3. Statements
The following statements encompass the understanding of the Working
Group members of: singleness, marriage, procreation, sexual activity and relationship, and
impairment. They follow our understanding of the narrative framework of the Gospel,
highlighting how the themes of God's good creation, sin and suffering, and God's
redemptive response interact with, and can transform our human experience. The statements
are offered as a tool for discussion and reflection.
3.1 Singleness
Single living is the experience of the vast
majority of us for at least some part of our adult life. Bereavement or other forms of
separation mean that many people experience singleness after a time in a committed
relationship. Life in all its fullness is freely offered to all of us regardless of
whether we are in a marriage relationship. We are each made in the image of God who calls
us to celebrate his love in myriad ways in community and not solely in exclusive relationships.
The celibate life has an honoured place in Christian tradition as a
renunciation of sexual relationships in order to give oneself more completely to God and
to others. However, it is a vocation, and not one automatically given to all those who are
unmarried. For those for whom singleness is a matter of circumstance rather than calling
there are many pressures from society which can see being alone as a sign of failure or
inadequacy. There are difficult choices to be made about how sexuality should be
expressed, made harder by the equating of sexuality with genital sexual acts and the
expectation, often found within the church, that the single person should suppress her/his
God-given sexuality.
Jesus Christ points us to the truth that God takes delight in each
one of us and offers each the opportunity of fruitful lives regardless of marital status.
The single person is under the same discipline as the married person to maintain
relationships with the hallmarks of respect and equality, trust and love. To develop these
Christ-like virtues takes effort and commitment and dependence on the grace of God; such a
lifestyle bears the fruits of enrichment and joy. The Christian community is called to
celebrate a diversity of relationships and to value those enjoyed by single people as
places where God's image is reflected, and the Holy Spirit is at work.
3.2 Marriage
Marriage is a gift of God to the whole of
humankind. God, who as Trinity is community, provides us with a model of relationship. We
respond through entering into public covenant with each other involving mutual respect and
trust, fidelity and honesty. Such self-giving love offers the security within which human
beings can flourish and into which children may be born and nurtured.
Marriage is a partnership the nature of which is threatened or
broken by abuse, exploitation, betrayal and lack of respect. The Gospel offers a hope of
new creation through repentance, forgiveness and healing from God, which we often fail to
realise with each other. In marriage preparation the Church has a duty to outline what
constitutes loving behaviour and should emphasise that abuse immediately breaks the vows
to love and honour undertaken in the wedding ceremony. The ending of marriage needs to be
viewed by the church with compassion and understanding rather than with a hasty
judgmentalism.
When marriage genuinely embodies harmonious and reciprocal trust it
is a source of joy and strength and a means by which society can be transformed. Even
where the lifelong and exclusive bond between a couple has been broken, many people
testify to the new beginning which God makes possible through a subsequent marriage in
which God’s intention can be more completely fulfilled.
3.3 Procreation
God was creating the world from the beginning
of time and continues throughout the generations. Children are at the very centre of this
unfolding process – children are a gift, not a right or an accessory. Faithful
marriage and faithful parenthood image the security and liberation which flow from the
love of God.
However, there are many children born into situations outside a
committed loving relationship. Others will subsequently come to experience the breakdown
of family and home. There are also many people in committed loving relationships who long
to have children and who are unable to do so.
The love of God offers new hope in situations which seem hopeless.
For those who bear the distress of childlessness, discernment needs to be exercised as to
whether the help offered by developing medical technologies is the servant of God’s
redemptive purpose in each particular circumstance.
The church must play its part in providing a safe and healthy
community modelling committed relationships within which children may be nurtured. The
care of children is demanding and all parents need the support of the wider community and
church in fulfilling this task. The Christian community is called to exercise especial
care to those who are particularly vulnerable. In this way we believe the church should
respond to the gift of God in the birth of children.
3.4 Sexual activity and
relationship
God created us as sexual beings. Sex enables
the expression of our love and connectedness at a most intimate level. We make ourselves
open and vulnerable to one another in self-giving love, and this is one way in which we
reflect the self-giving love of God. A sexual relationship can enable us to discover more
of ourselves and each other; it can be a means by which God’s love is more fully
revealed in us and to us. The mutual enjoyment of God’s gift of sex glorifies
God. It is right that God’s people should give God thanks for this, as for all
God’s gifts.
The vulnerability, which makes possible this mutual giving and
receiving of love, also carries risks. Our alienation from God and our frailty are as
present when we come together sexually as at any other point in our existence. They are
manifested in the selfishness that leads us to put our needs before our partner’s,
the lack of care that leads us to hurt one another, and in many other ways. Sexual
relationships can give rise to abuse, violence and degradation. These examples of sin are
all outside of God’s purpose of love and mutual respect.
The Gospel of Jesus Christ is good news of God’s forgiveness,
healing and the possibility of new beginnings. We are invited to respond to this good news
by living lives of Christian discipleship as we are empowered by God’s Spirit. As
part of our Christian discipleship God calls us to exercise responsibility in our sexual
activity. We are challenged to seek such activity within the context of exclusive and
committed relationships which affirm each partner’s worth. Sex is not to be seen as
separate from the rest of our lives. The sexual dimensions of our relationships should
give expression to reciprocal trust, truthfulness and equality. By accepting God’s
help and grace in this and every aspect of our lives, we receive, God’s gifts of
healing, wholeness and joy and show God’s promise of new creation offered to all
humanity.
3.5 Impairment
We rejoice in God’s creative activity in
the birth of people and in the renewal of the natural environment through the cycle of the
seasons. They serve as a reminder of God’s faithfulness to us all. We affirm that the
God who creates us all out of love for love also touches us all out of his love.
However, we are all broken and incomplete to some extent, in body,
in emotions, or in mind. For some this impairment will limit their freedom. Such people
will often need the sensitive understanding and support of the wider community in
fulfilling the longings for intimacy which we all experience. The gift of human touch can
be an expression of intimacy and a channel of Christ’s healing which becomes
particularly important for those whose freedom has been limited by the nature of their
impairment. The Christian Church, like the rest of society, has often played a part in
limiting the freedom of those living with particular impairments of body or mind.
We believe that the Holy Spirit is at work with all of us throughout
our lives as we seek to live with our impairments. For some of us God’s redeeming
work finds expression in the healing of a physical or mental condition. For many others of
us God’s healing touch is felt in the transformation of our experience and
understanding of brokenness. The Christian Church should be a place where all are free to
give and to receive God’s embrace.
4. Stories
These stores are mainly based on the experience of real
people (whose names have been altered). Others reflect issues that members of the Working
Group have encountered. We are particularly grateful to FURY for highlighting issues faced
by young adults. The questions that accompany the stories illustrate the complexity of the
choices that we face when ethical dilemmas are embodied in the lives of real people. The
stories and accompanying questions are offered to aid further thought and discussion.
4.1 Procreation LIZ AND ZAK
Liz and Zak, a married couple in your church, have been trying
unsuccessfully for a number of years to have children. They have tried a number of
infertility treatments including in-vitro fertilisation (IVF) without success. Recently,
they have heard news reports that an American scientist has opened a clinic for human
cloning. In his press release he claimed that cloning would enable some infertile couples
to conceive a child by transferring a nucleus from one of the man’s egg cells into an
egg cell obtained from the woman. Liz and Zak wonder whether to try cloning as a last
resort, and they turn to you for advice.
Questions
-
Cloning experiments in sheep resulted in many failures, including
some grossly malformed foetuses, before one cloned lamb was safely born. Would the risk of
such failures always be a reason for prohibiting attempts to clone human beings ?
-
How should churches respond pastorally to couples like Liz and Zak
who are unable to have children ?
4.2 Procreation/Marriage
ASTRID
Astrid is 26 and has been married for two years. Her husband Stuart
has gradually become more insecure and increasingly emotionally and verbally abusive. Also
he has lately started drinking frequently and to excess. Astrid discovers that, despite
using two forms of contraception, she is pregnant. She prepares to make the best of the
situation, but Stuart’s response is to drink far more and stay off work. He will not
go to any antenatal appointments, states that he does not want to be a father and that she
must bear all responsibility. She discusses the situation with her parents and her
minister and prays for a sign. Within the next 3 days she discovers 1) that her husband is
now smoking heroin 2) that she is having twins. She is in a dilemma: should she have the
children or work at her marriage ? She feels that she cannot cope on her own and that she
is faced with a stark choice.
Questions
-
What biblical stories, principles and/or commands relate to
Astrid’s situation ?
-
Astrid feels that her only choice is between having her children or
working at her marriage – is she right ?
-
Under what circumstances, if any, would you view abortion as the
least bad option?
-
What are the responsibilities of the Christian community before,
during, and (if it breaks down) after a marriage such as Astrid and Stuart’s ?
4.3 Procreation/Sexual
activity ALAN
I am a 19 year old student about to start university. I have been
with my girlfriend for a few months now, although neither of us are ready for serious
commitment. We were stupid, and now she’s pregnant ! She wants an abortion, and in my
head I know that’s the best thing. We have no money, and have both worked hard in our
A levels. But I am a Christian and my heart tells me that abortion is wrong. I don’t
know what’s right, although I know what’s best !
Questions
4.4 Sexual activity IAN AND
HELEN
My girlfriend Helen was raped last year. She has done very well and
seems to be over it now, but I’m not. I can’t accept what another man has done
to her and it is seriously affecting our relationship. I don’t want to touch her
because I just imagine his arms on her. I don’t want to hurt her like he did. Soon it
is going to be too late. Please help me.
Questions
4.5 Marriage/Sexual activity
ISHEA AND GARY
My name is Ishea and I am 16 years old. I have been seeing Gary for
over a year now and I love him, I really do, and we’ve even started planning our
future together. I am a Christian and a member of our Church Youth Group. I’ve been
taught that sex before marriage is wrong, that it’s a sin and therefore something
that I must not do. But I love him and want to commit myself to him. We’ve
talked about it and both believe that we’re ready for that kind of commitment, but my
beliefs are holding me back. What should I do ? I really want to share my love with my
boyfriend.
Questions
4.6 Marriage JACK AND JOAN
Jack and Joan, both widowed, are residents of the nursing home where
you work. They met when Jack moved into the home last year. As the months went on, staff
and residents noticed how much Joan and Jack seemed to enjoy each other’s company,
and how much time they spent together. Recently they announced their intention to marry,
and asked to move into one room together. The manager of the nursing home has refused
their request saying that there is no suitable accommodation available. One or two staff
members have expressed surprise in your hearing that Jack and Joan should want to get
married "at their age". Their (grown-up) children have also expressed their
opposition. Jack and Joan turn to you for support and advice because they feel that you
are sympathetic to them.
Questions
4.7 Singleness JEAN
Jean had a happy relationship with her husband until he died at the
age of 52. They had both been regular worshippers at their local church. All her life Jean
has held to a traditional belief in no sex outside marriage. With her husband she had
enjoyed the sexual dimension of their marriage. Now she feels desolate. She misses the
physical intimacy of her husband’s presence. She longs to experience sexual intimacy
but has no wish to marry again. Her grown up family would not be sympathetic to her if she
did. Her church’s teaching is that she should remain celibate or remarry. She does
not wish to marry again and she struggles with her need for physical intimacy. She feels
completely alone, and rather guilty.
Questions
4.8 Impairment SARAH
Sarah is a 21 year old with Down’s Syndrome. She lives with her
parents and attends a day centre for people with learning difficulties. She has recently
formed a relationship with James who also attends the day centre. Sarah’s parents are
unhappy about this friendship and are worried in case it leads to ‘further
things’. They have approached the staff at the day centre asking if the two friends
can be kept apart. The staff however consider that the relationship is perfectly normal
for people of their age and should be encouraged. A training group has been set up at the
centre to look at sex education and relationships. Sarah’s parents are against this
as they feel this would only encourage a relationship with which they are uncomfortable.
They are threatening to remove Sarah from the centre.
Questions
-
The rights of Sarah to give and receive love in the same way as other
young adults
-
The rights of any (as yet unborn) child to be nurtured and cared for
by its parents
-
Should any limits be put on the freedom of people with learning
difficulties to pursue a sexual relationship and possibly experience parenthood?
-
What might be said to Sarah’s parents, and to the staff at the
day centre?
4.9 Marriage ANNA
Anna is 42 and the mother of three children aged 13, 10 and 6. She
is involved with charity work. Her husband is a barrister. He is charming to others, but
is emotionally, physically and sexually abusive to Anna – but only when they are on
their own or in their home. She feels that she is going mad. She thinks that no one else
will believe her if she says what is really going on, and she is concerned with what
people will think of her. Her husband has told others that she has a problem with her
nerves. She wishes her husband would return to how he was at the start of their
relationship. She does not know whether to leave.
Questions
-
Discuss the conflict between the two principles that marriage is a
lifelong indissoluble covenant relationship and that you should love your neighbour as you
love yourself
-
In counselling this couple what might we ask Anna and what might we
ask her husband?
-
What is the responsibility of the church and of the wider community
to each of the people in this story?
4.10 Church responsibility
TONY AND HOWARD
A church has been approached to become a welcoming church for those
who have become Christians whilst in prison. It gladly agrees to do so. Two ex prisoners,
Tony and Howard, begin to worship with the church. After a few months Tony shows an
interest in helping out with the Junior Church. The church has deliberately chosen not to
enquire about the nature of their offences. However, at this point they find that the
offences were for sexual acts against children. At this, the church leaders feel that not
only can Tony not work with Junior Church but they feel that on balance it is better if
neither man came to their fellowship again on grounds of potential risk to the children.
Some of the membership are distressed by this decision arguing that if someone is in
Christ they are a new creation.
Questions
-
Discuss the conflict between the duty to be a loving accepting
non-judgmental community and the need to protect weaker more vulnerable individuals
against potential abuse.
-
Would you refuse to allow Tony to work with children? How would you
justify this judgement to him?
-
Do you agree with the church leaders’ view that Tony and Howard
should be excluded from the church?
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