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Civil Partnerships This document was produced by James Breslin, Stuart Dew and Richard Mortimer, with an additional contribution by Susan Durber, and is issued by Mission Council as an aid to Local Churches. Civil Partnerships, Advice to Churches.Introduction
The Civil Partnership Act 2004 came into force on 5 December 2005. It enables same-sex couples to obtain legal recognition of their relationship by signing a civil partnership document in the presence of each other, a registrar, and two witnesses. Although publicity has largely been about the commitment gay or lesbian couples make by entering into a civil partnership, it is important to note that the Act leaves open the nature of the commitment made; the partnership does not pre-suppose the intention to engage in a sexual relationship. As with a civil marriage, no religious service can take place as part of the civil registration. A document from the Registrar-General spells out what this means. The registration may not include extracts from an authorised religious marriage service or from sacred religious texts, may not be led by a minister or other religious leader, may not include hymns or chants, or any form of worship. However, it may include readings, songs or music that contain an incidental reference to a god or deity in an essentially non-religious context.
One consequence of this is that churches will be and have been approached to hold services of blessing for same sex couples entering into civil partnerships. In the United Reformed Church the decision whether or not to allow such a service lies with the Local Church and this paper is designed to assist Church Meetings in making this decision. Church Meetings should be assured that whatever decision they make will receive the full support of the United Reformed Church.
The registration of a civil partnership is a legal matter and there are a number of requirements laid down by law affecting those seeking to enter into a civil partnership. For instance, there is normally a fifteen-day waiting period between application and registration although this can be waived in special circumstances eg. the terminal illness of one partner. The Act applies in England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland. Couples are not eligible to register if they are not of the same sex, if either is already married or already has a civil partner, is under 16, or if the couple are within prohibited degrees of relationship for marriage (eg. brothers or sisters).
A civil partnership can only be ended by death, dissolution or annulment. The grounds for dissolution are similar to those for ending a marriage: unreasonable behaviour, two years separation (with consent), five years separation (without consent), or where one partner has deserted the other for two years.
In a civil partnership the partners assume legal rights and responsibilities for each other and to other parties, including the State. They will have the same rights as a married couple in areas like tax, social security, inheritance and workplace benefits.
The Adoption and Children Act 2002, which came into force on 30 December 2005, gives same-sex couples – including civil partners – the right to make application jointly to adopt a child. Courts handling adoption applications may see a civil partnership as evidence of the stability of a same-sex relationship.
A Local Church being asked to allow a service of blessing does not have to concern itself with the legalities of registering a civil partnership except that should a church agree to hold or allow the holding of a service of blessing it must ensure that it is made clear that this service does not constitute the partnership but is an act of thanksgiving following the legal contract entered into in the presence of the Registrar.
Theology and Practice
Within the United Reformed Church there are a number of different views on civil partnerships, just as there are a number of different views on marriage. The only places where we have anything resembling official formal definitions of marriage are in two of our earliest foundation documents, “the Westminster Confession of Faith” and “the Savoy Declaration”. These both, in identical words, state that “Marriage is to be between one man and one woman: neither is it lawful for any man to have more than one wife, nor for any woman to have more than one husband at the same time.” However the general understanding of marriage in Reformed Theology is that it is an “ordinance” rather than a “sacrament” and therefore a special type of civil partnership.
This classically Reformed position is not held by all Churches, some have an understanding of marriage which is much more mystical and sacramental. Within the United Reformed Church there are those who take such a view and therefore wish to differentiate much more rigidly between marriage and a civil partnership.
For these, and for other reasons, different decisions will be reached in different places. What is important is that due care is given to discernment and to listening to the different points of view and understandings held within individual Church Meetings. What follows is an attempt to outline something of the range of different points of view , recognising that not all of the views identified will be represented in every church, and that many individual church members may find themselves pulled in different directions and attempting to reconcile radically different ideas within themselves as well as within the context of a Church Meeting. There will be many other opinions on this matter sincerely held by church members and it is important that churches recognise that this is a matter where some views are held very strongly and where strong emotions can come into play. It is important that in any discussion all do their best to recognise and affirm the integrity of those holding views other than their own.
The different responses to the question of whether or not to permit blessings of civil partnerships may well include:
Questions of Conscience
It will be important for Church Meetings to take into consideration the views of the Ministers in their pastorate. No Minister should be asked to act contrary to his or her conscience and therefore where a minister feels unable to participate in a service of blessing this position should be respected.
Equally, Ministers must respect the conscience of their Church Meetings. Where a Church Meeting is not prepared to allow services of blessing a Minister should not agree to conduct such a service in another place without the knowledge and consent of the elders. It is possible that in a Joint Pastorate or a Group of Churches the different Church Meetings will come to different decisions. This has occurred on other matters and should it happen here each Church Meeting should respect the integrity of the other and recognise that their Minister needs to work with both decisions.
Whatever decision a Church Meeting comes to on the question of allowing a service of blessing for a civil partnership, it is most important that every effort is made to make this decision in such a way that the whole meeting can feel that this was a proper decision. In an ideal world the Church Meeting would come to a common mind with every member in agreement with the final decision but particularly in matters that deal with emotions and sensitivities, this is asking a great deal. However, particularly as a decision on this matter cannot be subject to an appeal to the District Council or the Synod those leading the Church Meeting must make every effort to allow all points of view to be heard.
What next
It is important to remember that whatever decision a Church Meeting makes the matter does not end there. Where a Church Meeting has come to the conclusion that either as a general rule, or in a particular case, it is not appropriate to allow a service of blessing for a civil partnership there will be pastoral questions to be addressed. If the Church Meeting has been discussing the question because of an approach from individuals seeking such a service of blessing there will be a need to address them sensitively and pastorally. Important in all circumstances, this will be particularly so if one or both partners is a church member or part of the wider family of the church. Even if the discussion has not been prompted by a specific request there may be members of the congregation who feel hurt by the decision that has been reached and they will need to be cared for and supported in their understanding of the Gospel. When the decision is that such a service is appropriate then a suitable service will need to be designed and some notes to help with this are attached. However, it should be recognised that just as some members of the church may be hurt in Church Meetings that say no, the same is true in Church Meetings that say yes. Care for them and an affirming of their understanding of the Gospel is equally important and should not be forgotten.
If a Church Meeting agrees to a Service of Blessing the form of that service should be agreed between the Minister conducting it and the parties involved. It will need careful preparation and it may be that the Church Meeting will wish to be advised of the content of this service. As a first step in that direction the Convener of the Doctrine Prayer and Worship Committee of the General Assembly has prepared the following paper.
Guidelines for preparing a service of blessing for a same-sex couple
Discussions about a service of blessing rightly begin at church meeting. Church members might ask what such a service will be about and what it will be like. Will it include vows? Will the couple be expected to enter a life-long and faithful relationship – or is it simply a celebration of friendship? Will sex be mentioned? Will anything be signed? What status will it have in law? What are we asking of God? It might be helpful for the church meeting to know that, even within the gay community, there are different views about what such services are about. The church has an opportunity to shape something here and to add its own voice to the debate. The introduction of Civil Partnership ceremonies adds another dimension now – with the question of how a church service might relate to such a civil ceremony with a legal status.
In thinking about a service of blessing, a church might decide that, because it wishes to encourage and deepen human love wherever it is found and believes that God blesses such love, it will support the minister in conducting services of blessing for same-sex couples, but only on the understanding that vows of life-long commitment are to be taken within the service and that the couple will promise to be faithful to one another. They might decide that they could not support services to celebrate a relationship which falls short of this level of commitment. On the other hand, a church might decide that the relationship of marriage between a man and a woman should be honoured above all others and in a distinctive way. However, they are happy to celebrate and to affirm the friendship between two people and to ask for God’s blessing upon it – and so would offer such a service to a couple of the same-sex, but not a service that ‘looked like’ a wedding and involved talk about life-long faithfulness or sexual love. There might also be questions to consider about the place of children and families within a service of blessing for a same-sex couple. Gay couples can now adopt or foster children, may already have children from past relationships or may have in mind living in a family group of some kind. What place do these relationships have in relation to the mutual relationship of the couple? How might they be recognised and affirmed within the service?
When it comes to preparing the liturgy you may feel that you are starting with a blank sheet. But that’s not quite the case. If you believe a service like this should be about the life-long faithful commitment of the couple and about seeking the blessing of God, then traditional (and also contemporary) marriage services have many promises and prayers that, with some adaptation, may be used. It is important for the sake of clarity and honesty (perhaps near the beginning of the service and with a light touch) to make it clear that this is not a marriage service and that it has no legal status, but that being said, you may be able to use some words originally framed for marriage services.
There are other resources too. For many same-sex couples, it is positively important to get away from words familiar from marriage services and from some of the aspects of marriage which have been criticised in recent times (the unequal nature of many marriages, for example). So, it is most likely that they will prefer words which, while embodying the values of commitment and faithfulness, actually sound new and fresh. Same-sex couples seem more likely to want to write their own vows and even prayers, or to suggest new readings or liturgical actions. Though it needs to be said that gay couples are as varied as straight couples, some will want something traditional, others something more strikingly new. Some will want a quiet, modest ceremony, others a ‘big bash’ with all the colour and spectacle of the grandest wedding. The minister has to make judgements here – as with any wedding. This, like any service of worship, is a service of the church, not a private and individual creation. It is right that there should be a proper balance between the corporate faith of the Church and the preferences of individuals. The difference from a marriage is that both the minister and the couple have less tradition behind them. While freedom from tradition is a marvellous thing, to be left floundering in a vacuum is very unsettling. The minister may be able to help in providing resources from the tradition of the church which can frame this situation, express the hopes of the couple, and bear witness to the Gospel.
The Bible should be, for this service as any other, the foundation stone of the service. While at first sight, it might look an unpromising resource for such an occasion, there are many appropriate readings which can serve well. (As anyone who has looked up all the passages about marriage in the Bible will know, there is no one biblical view of marriage and surprisingly few passages which readily lift into a Christian marriage service! The Old Testament presents some understandings of marriage which we would question, and for most of the New Testament writers marriage was not in itself an important topic) There are many passages about love and about friendship. There are also passages about specific friendships between two people of the same gender (David and Jonathan, Ruth and Naomi, for example). While these are not about same-sex partnerships in the way we understand them now, they do bear testimony to great love and loyalty between two people. There are also readings about vocation, about creation, about the affirmation of community among disciples. If anything the Bible says more about community among the faithful and the overcoming of gender barriers than it does about marriage. There might also be value in choosing a passage in which Jesus overturns the ‘purity’ code, and/or one in which our identity before God is found in something other than gender or status in the world’s terms (our baptism, for example).
There are already some collections of suitable prayers, vows and readings. Chief among them in the British context is Elizabeth Stuart’s Daring to Speak Love’s Name (Hamish Hamilton, 1992) now out of print, but readily available in libraries. Much of it is taken up with suggestions for ‘celebrating lesbian and gay relationships’. Couples often appreciate being loaned this book, so that they can see some of the possibilities. Most will have little experience and need some encouragement to believe that a ceremony with dignity and appropriateness is possible.
There is great scope for creativity and for doing something new. But as so often happens in preparing a service (such as a funeral) the tendency is to start out with grand schemes and ambitious ideas, but finally to produce something which is not that far from at least a traditional shape. It may that the very fact of the service taking place is itself already so full of newness and some measure of risk that it is good to give the liturgy a firm and steady rooting in the traditions of the Church. Very familiar readings and prayers will take on a new hue in a new context so that there may not be as much need for ‘new’ things as you would think. But, if the couple are willing, they may take a delight in writing their own vows (perhaps within certain guidelines), finding new readings or suggesting new actions. The minister may be helpful in judging what is likely to ‘work’ – or what might fall flat or sound banal. Experience from other kinds of services is invaluable, particularly in shaping something new.
In preparing the details and practicalities of the service, it may be wise to bear in mind that not all the family members of the couple may be there. There may be some, even very close family, who are not happy that this is happening or even that the relationship exists. It may be that there are lots from one family and no-one from the other. It may be a smaller gathering than even a small wedding. So care needs to be taken over ‘sides’ of the church or over the number of chairs set out, or the space in which the service is conducted. In terms of the liturgy itself, if you are including within the service promises of support from the family then you need to know the reality of what that support is likely to be. There may be painful absences which may need to be taken into account.
For most couples, it is important to have some kind of certificate to take with them to say that the service has taken place. (This may become less important since the establishment of civil partnership ceremonies with legal status). It may also be good for the church to keep a register of such services which the couple can sign. This serves as a clear record and also shows that the church is taking this seriously as part of its ministry and history. But it should always be made clear that such certificates or registers have no status in law.
If the service of blessing follows a civil partnership ceremony, it is good to state this clearly at the service and to draw a connection between the two events. The Reformed tradition takes the view that God acts through the civil authorities as well as through the church and we can celebrate the actions of both. Our secular lives are as much lived under God as what we do in the sanctuary of the church.
A few practical things:
With a couple of the same gender, it may be harder to remember their names, or at least which one is which! And, if there are rings, they may be harder to distinguish from each other – they might be the same size! And you might need to think carefully about who to turn to first in the vows, for example, since the familiar pattern of the marriage service won’t be there. These are small details, but can easily throw a more nervous than usual worship leader.
There may be fears among the congregation about press interest or about protestors invading the service. It might be wise to have a statement for the press ready prepared – there is advice to hand from Church House if needed. It might also be wise to have church members to act as stewards at the door, just in case of any unwelcome intruders. However, experience of such services has been that, unless you deliberately provoke trouble, it almost certainly will not happen. What is much more common is that those who come to such a service in trepidation will find an occasion of joyful affirmation.
May the God who created us out of
love, bless and keep us, Amen,
(More information is available from an HM Government booklet Civil Partnership – legal recognition for same-sex couples. This can be downloaded from www.womenandequalityunit.gov.uk
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