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retired ministers housing presentation
Retired Ministers Housing
Presentation
Assembly Exeter Sunday 9th July 2006
Goal: to raise the
profile of the ongoing responsibility and need for us to provide
adequate support of our Ministers and their Spouses in Retirement in
terms of housing.
Leaflet: A new leaflet will
be launched & Revd Bill Wright will begin a journey around the Synods to
raise the profile and appoint contacts (Retired Ministers) in each
Synod.
Presentation: Five minutes
has been allocated to us and this will be used by the sketch below.
John Ellis will be
presenting the Ministries Report to Assembly. At the end he will produce
the cue lines as follows:
JE: Moderator, you
will recall that in the Pirates of Penzance, the Convenor of the Pirates
announces at a crucial moment that his gang all love their Queen. I am
pleased to say publicly that all the Ministries Committee love their
Moderator. And a little bird told us that you might be retiring some
time in the next 20 years. So we want to add a postscript to our
presentation in your honour.
Doctor Who Tardis Theme
will play over PA for about ten seconds and on the Screen will flash: IT
IS THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2022.
If possible lights will
draw the focus of Assembly to a bench on which a Retired Minister will
be sleeping (they will be dishevelled) and snuggling under a preaching
robe. Ideally this is on the platform (so easily visible at the vital
moment) but on the opposite side from JE.
‘The Wife’ enters again
dishevelled and with a walking stick.
Wife ‘Wake up Dearest:
another glorious day in the service of the Lord’. Gives him a cup of
tea!
Ret Min (RM) gradually
wakes, stretches etc. ‘This bench is beginning to feel like Home: Glory
be to God! We trusted the Lord and the URC and look where we have ended
up…. Leaving us with no roof over our heads is a strange way to thank us
for 40 years of ministry!
JE: (to Assembly)
The worst part of this job is the endless stream of whinging ministers.
(to RM) Look here,
old man, you really shouldn’t be so obsessed by materialism. Remember
all those sermons you used to preach about living simply? When you
retied we promised to pray for you. We also sent you the standard URC
pack to ensure a wonderful retirement: to keep you living in the narrow
way – a copy of the Manual; to provide spiritual excitement – a signed
photo of Elizabeth Caswell. What more do you want?
RM: But in 1979 the
General Assembly promised to provide housing for retired ministers who
needed help.
JE: You are a silly
little man. Don’t you realise that the Church has to keep pace with
contemporary culture? Nobody keeps promises these days – especially not
inconvenient ones.
Wife bursts extravagantly
into uncontrollable tears.
Drowned out by……
The Mission Impossible
theme will play for about ten seconds and then a God-like voice will
speak out:
Your Retired Ministers
Housing Society will self destruct in 10 years if new capital is not
found. Your Mission is to inspire members of the URC to include Retired
Ministers Housing in their giving and their wills, to provide in the
region of £1 million per year till at least 2016 to honour our retired
ministers. If you fulfil your Mission, you can change their world.
Again Doctor Who Tardis
Theme (10 Seconds) Flash up on Screen: IT IS THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2022.
Back to RM & Wife: RM again
asleep, Wife wakes him up with a cup of tea..........
JE: Good Afternoon
Mr Poulter. You’re looking very well for your age.
RM: Yes, I’m still
able to do a few jobs around the house and the roses out here in the
garden are quite splendid this year.
JE: That’s what
Assembly wants to hear. Contented and cared for. But you know we had a
very awkward moment for the Retired Mins Housing Soc around 2006. Way
back in the 1990s it was easy: donations to the Society covered the cost
of the houses we had to buy. But then we were hit by a double whammy.
The price of houses shot up at just the same time as there was a surge
in the number of retirements. By 2005 we were having to borrow more than
£1m a year to keep going.
RM: A million
pounds?! How did God pull the URC out of that hole?
JE: The way He
usually does – by touching the hearts of his people. Everyone at the
Exeter Assembly had a leaflet – here’s a copy I found in the archives.
When they got home they made sure the situation was explained clearly to
their Districts and Churches. Some enterprising members of Assembly even
borrowed from the website the script of a sketch that was used at
Assembly itself. And to be doubly sure, every Synod was contacted by the
Cttee to ensure the message got home. With giving and legacies we found
the £1m a year we needed.
RM: The 500
ministers, widows and widowers living in the Society’s houses are
certainly glad to belong to a Church that puts its love into action.
JE: But I do have
one question. I can see your copy of the Manual makes a good stand for
your tea cup but what did you do with your pin-up of Liz Caswell?
RM: Ah! Very
interesting you should ask that……
Clerk: (interrupting)
Moderator, under Standing Order 4 sub-paragraph (b), the time for this
presentation has now run out.
Finish
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