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Who, me?
If a pound were donated to charity for every time a sermon on the ‘me culture’ is preached, some charities would be considerably wealthier than they are now.
When we describe people as living in the ‘me culture’ (which it is our duty to resist) who exactly do we mean? Those who are not in Church? One of the reasons, we are told, why the Church has to survive, is as an effective counterblast to this ‘me culture’, as if, inside, you will always find the opposite of the ‘me culture’.
Of course, the
Church is a place where many people work tirelessly for others – not a
few burning themselves out as a result, but that is another article. The
point I want to make here is that the ‘me culture’ can be as alive and
well inside Church as outside.
listen to ‘me’ Having attended
many meetings over the years, I am struck by how many and which ‘voices’
are heard – and those which aren’t. Some are heard, over and over and
over again. Whether at General Assembly or in local church, certain
‘voices’ have to be heard, while others are drowned out. There also seems
to be a collective ‘me’ operating. We could call it an ‘us culture’
instead, I suppose. It’s still damaging. If we look at those represented
in the various offices of the church at national levels, how many are
women? How many are other than of Anglo-Saxon origin? How many are
disabled? How many are of different sexual orientation and are
acknowledged to be? I’ve recently
interviewed Heather (not her real name) in the context of a study on
women in the Church. Her story is illuminating about yet another aspect
of ‘me culture’. A devoted member of a cathedral in a big northern city,
Heather was also a physiotherapist, loyal wife in a loveless marriage
and mother to four children. She had tried throughout her life, she told
me, to do her best to love God and her neighbour as herself. Some time
after her husband died she entered into a relationship, which, it
appeared, was even more exploitative than her marriage had been. At age
70 she finally gave up on this self-sacrificial life, she said and has
now decided ‘to do a few things for myself. But I’m not sure I really
like this new “me”. I feel uncomfortable with it. I’m not sure I’m a
nice person any more.’ So had she completely abandoned family and good
neighbourliness in the pursuit of ‘me’? ‘Well, no, I suppose not. I try
to do what I can for them, but perhaps it’s a bit less these days.’ So
here is Heather, now 76, racked with guilt, because she might just do
something for herself once in a while. The Church is good at guilt,
particularly when unwarranted. And, of course,
the ‘me culture’ does spend time on itself. But if people are going to
the gym and taking up tai chi it could just be because they want to be
healthier. And, if they are healthier, are they not less likely to end
up in doctors’ waiting rooms, hospital wards, or as a call on social
services? Given how overstretched all these are, I can see no
‘Christian’ reason why looking after your health is such a bad idea. seeking restoration
The other day I
read, in a church newsletter, an article written by a bishop in which he
had highlighted certain ‘key’ words . One sentence referred to ‘Jesus’
injunction: “Love your neighbour as you love yourself.’” That is how it
was written. So did Jesus say the first part really loud and then drop
his voice, because, oh dear, it might smack of the ‘me culture’? In his book, The
Go-between God, John V Taylor, writing prophetically it seems to me, in
1972, said: ‘In these days more and more people are sick, because they
do not know with any certainty who they are or what they are’. He went
on to say that people cannot give of themselves if they do not first
have a ‘self’ to give. ‘It is useless to call for repentance or
commitments until we have first given acceptance…’ Many people have
come into (and since gone from) our churches simply for the refreshment
of the spirit because life from Monday to Friday is so totally
stressful. They have not come to be told how far short they are falling
in loving their neighbour or to be given another job to add to those
they are already struggling to fulfil. So is that being
part of the ‘me culture’? Or is it ‘legitimate’ to come for the
‘healing’ that John V Taylor writes about, so that they do not feel
quite so at the mercy of the frenzied and impermanent existence that is
modern life? So the ‘me culture’ is alive and well, inside and outside the Church. As Church we need to be mindful of where we fall short in allowing ‘other voices’ to speak. We also need to be a little more careful of what we mean by the ‘me culture’ outside Church and more understanding of those who come with nothing to give – at least not just now – because they are already giving everything.
Janet Eccles is a lay preacher from Grange over Sands
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